Family
by ScaryScarecrows
Summary: Insanity is a family trait. Jonathan Crane knows this only too well.
1. Telephone

Not once, in any of the hideouts that they'd been in, had a telephone rung. Not one time.

Jonathan Crane and Kitty Richardson, therefore, would be forgiven for the utter confusion when the phone rang. Not once, not twice, but several times. They were even more surprised when the phone turned out to have a working answering machine.

"Kitty Richardson!" a voice shrieked. "I know you're in there! You answer this phone right this minute or I'll come down there myself!"

Kitty cringed. Jonathan blinked.

"How did she get this number?"

"She's my mum, of course she got this number! Oh, god…what do I tell her? Maybe she doesn't know…"

"Obviously she does, or she wouldn't have called."

"Shut up, Jonathan! Oh, Jesus, what do I do? _What do I do!_" She shook him. He gently pried her off and pointed to the phone.

"If she comes here, bad things might happen."

"We're not gassing my mum!"

"No! The guards. So call her."

"Don't leave me alone."

This was amusing. He settled into the chair they'd stolen-a very squishy chair, thank you very much-from a nearby Ikea. Kitty picked up the phone as though it might bite her and hit the redial. A minute later, the phone went on speaker and her mother picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mum."

The resulting shriek made Jonathan's head ache.

"Kitty Richardson, where have you _been_! And what in the world have you been doing?"

"Job at Arkham…"

"Don't lie to me! I can read!"

Oh. They were going to be in trouble. He shook himself. He was the Scarecrow! And he was an adult. _And_ she wasn't technically his mother.

"Oh, Kitty." Mrs. Richardson said. "I can't believe you. Was it the soap punishment?"

"Mum…"

"You and your cousin both! What is the matter with you?"

"Cousin?"

"You know that American boy she was dating? She came back to the states with him and got a job as an assassin. Really? And then you go and get involved with this Scarecrow…"

"Mum, it's just Jonathan."

There was dead silence at the other end.

"Jonathan?"

"Yes, Mum."

"Oh, thank god!" What. "Here was me, worried you'd gotten involved with some nut! Are you two eating?"

Well, that was random.

"Yes, Mum. Most of the time."

"You're okay?"

"Yes."

"Is Jonathan with you?"

"Hello, Mrs. Richardson."

"Jonathan, dear, you know you don't have to call me that."

Yes, he did know that, but he never could get his mouth to form anything else.

"Sorry."

"I didn't really want anything." She couldn't be serious. "I was just worried."

"How did you get this number?"

"I'm your mother! I hired someone. A very nice young man. Loves green."

Oh, god. She'd hired Edward? Really? They were going to have a chat with Edward in the near future.

"Okay. Well, we'll try to keep in touch. Bye, Mum."

She hung up and promptly unplugged the phone. Jonathan stared.

"What was that for?"

"I said we'd keep in touch. I meant a postcard."

He could see it now. A postcard of some screaming victim, perhaps with the pair of them looming over it. And on the back: 'Happy holidays!" Yeah. Cheerful.

AN: Update every day! Hahahahahaha...not for long. I'll run out of these sooner or later.


	2. Cousins

"Kitty Richardson!"

Jonathan Crane cringed at the shriek from across the street.

"Jill Waters!"

Wait, what?

Two women collided in the middle of the sidewalk, talking much too fast for him to keep up. Then he saw his twin.

Well, almost twin-the man had shaggier hair, and a half-healed scar on his throat, but the resemblance was close enough.

"What are you doing here?"

"Work, you know…Jackson! Come here and meet my cousin. This is Jackson Rippner."

Ouch. Some people were just sadistic.

"This is Jonathan Crane. Jonathan, this is my cousin Jill."

"So it's true, then? That really is you on the news?"

"Yes." What was going on here? Who the hell was this woman? "That thing in Miami…"

"It's all straightened out. No thanks to him." Jill elbowed Jackson in the stomach. "You have no idea how much I had to do…never again."

"What happened?"

"There was a pen. I shut her up. You'd be surprised how much people trust the delivery girl."

Hmm. He would have to keep that in mind for later.

"Well, be careful. The Batman looks nice on TV, but he really isn't."

"Thanks. We have to go and check in. _This_ one will run smoothly. _Right_, dear?"

Jackson rolled his eyes and dodged the oncoming elbow.

"Good luck. Don't go out at night."

They hugged again and parted ways.

"I told you my cousin was a nut."

"I'm noticing. Thank you for…um…not elbowing me."

"Don't mention it."

AN:I may add to this collection at random. Or I may not.


	3. Granny

AN: Always know your villains. They can be evil for evil's sake, but know how evil they're willing to be. Also, thank you to EVERYONE who reads, follows or comments. Free gas masks all around, because Doctor Crane doesn't always like these going up for the public.

Jonathan Crane didn't like to think about Granny. He hated to admit it, but he was still terrified of her. If anyone could come back as a _Christmas Carol_ ghost, it would be her. He could see her now, looming over him with that heavy cane in her hand, intoning that he was _the devil's child_, that she _should have left him outside to die_. No, he didn't like to remember her.

She'd left constant reminders, unfortunately. The scars on his body were a testament to her talents, and to this day she haunted his dreams.

_"Devil's spawn, I should have known what you would turn out to be!"_

_"Did you know your mother never even held you?"_

_"I should have left you for dead!"_

Oh, yes. She'd made sure he'd remember her, even though she was long buried in the chapel.

There was one memory that he would have liked to forget, unsure if it was even real. For all he knew, it was wishful thinking or a dream. But it stuck all the same.

He had been very ill as a little boy-pneumonia, if he remembered right. He must have been six or seven, and by the time his teachers noticed that something was really wrong, he been sick for about a week. He had probably assumed that Granny would be furious. He would have been wrong.

The next three weeks were a bit of a blur, but he recalled-or thought he recalled-that she had taken good care of him. She'd read to him from a book of fairy tales and brought him large bowls of homemade chicken soup.

Once he was over the worst of it, she had gone back to the untouchable terror that was Granny Keeney. He never knew if he'd imagined the whole thing or not. He'd survived, though, even though the doctor had been skeptical, so maybe it was real. She had never done it again, though.

He didn't like to think about Granny, and he didn't regret killing her, either. But sometimes he had to wonder what she would have been like if the circumstances were different.


	4. Mother

Lupin fan1-Isn't she, though?

NightRain2DaySnow-I'm glad you're enjoying these!

AN: This was supposed to be a Thanksgiving day thing. Then it didn't want to be a Thanksgiving day thing anymore.

* * *

As far as Jonathan was concerned, he'd never had a mother. She had left him with that monster of a grandmother the day he was born and never once so much as called.

Granny hadn't been a very good substitute. She hadn't been a very good grandmother, either. Most grandmothers made cookies or something. Most grandmothers, for that matter, didn't go on scary rants about a fiery hell and lock their grandson in with angry birds.

Kitty's mother may not have known all the details, but he was pretty sure that she knew something. She was always going on about her 'mothering instinct'. He had to admit, she did have a knack for knowing when something was wrong with her daughter. She probably did know something about his grandmother. In any case, she fussed over him the same way she did with Kitty.

"You're sure you're eating enough?"

"Yes, Mrs. Richardson."

"Mary, dear." she corrected. They both knew the correction was pointless. "You're quite sure?"

"Yes."

"All right…" She fussed with his jacket and stepped back to look at him. "I worry about you, that's all."

He liked being worried about, really. It was a very new feeling.

"I'm all right, Mrs. Richardson."

"I know." She patted his arm. You're _absolutely _sure you're eating enough?"

"Yes."

"Okay…" She straightened his jacket again. "Be careful, sweetie. I don't like you two living in Gotham."

He had nothing to say to that. Mrs. Richardson gave him a hug and went to fuss over her daughter.


End file.
